nothings wrong perse but theres this string around my finger leading to fuck knows where and i wanted to tell someone about it before i just start following it and end up wandering into some body part harvesting scheme that everyone else is totally savvy about and im just the new guy rocking up sacrificing his fingers like they grow back
you know what i mean
i can come back and show you im just getting coffee cuz i cant fucking raw dog this without some bean juice
oh! i've heard of that before! i think it's supposed to lead to your soulmate! heheh i got one too, i'm following it now. i can't wait to see who it is! i hope they're cute... and that i actually like them...
it's really cold outside though, and there's a storm coming in? bring a scarf.
oh is there that explains why theres fuckin nobody out here and i am already out here btw but the strings kind of hard to see so i should probably head back
you want anything coffee hot chocolate scissors ?? kind of fucked up to set a soulmate searching mission in a storm and plus its kind of awkward if your soulmate is off in space or another universe or whatever right
oh hahah yeah i guess he is, isn't he? well. i don't know, people kind of start showing up around this time of the month, so maybe thirteen got you a little nubby-headed present?
[ Secretly, this kills the Egg. ]
thanks for the offer but i think i'm good! the storm is getting pretty bad but i think i see something up ahead. a house or something? i'll see if anyone is home! the locals are usually pretty nice.
feel like wed have heard him by now if he made his way here
[Dave says, deliberately keeping it as neutral as possible. It's not that he wouldn't be excited to see Karkat, but he feels kind of intimidated by the prospect of knowing if or if not they're soulmates and how much stock he can put in some magic yarn.]
has anyone ever proven that soulmate might mean something different here maybe its a euphemism for something its kind of weird were just throwing that word around anyway what are they basing it off
anyway my string is leading fucking nowhere dude
hold on i see a house also maybe youre right and we should probably just go in and explain and not like die imagine i die because i wanted a coffee
also not to freak you out or anything but i think my string is leading into the house
heheheh yeah you're probably right about that. he'd probably love it here once he stopped yelling. so basically... never! :B
[ It's not mean if it's a truth that everybody knows, okay.
John is already inside the shack when he reads those last few messages. He's found the thread's terminus at the blanket, and he groans out loud as he pieces it together. Months ago he might not have put two and two together but he's on to Thirteen's shenanigans now. ]
yeah about that... actually you know what? you should go in the house! and find out for yourself.
what dont get cryptic now egbert is there a dead body am i going to walk in on a dead body do i have to kiss a dead body back to life is your soul mate a hot anime girl with huge
[Dave's messages ping through rapidly as he pads around the house and looks for the way in through the low visibility. It would be easier if he took his sunglasses off, but then he'd get snow in his eyes or whatever snow does.
Dave pushes in the door and eventually finds the room, peering in cautiously and eyeing the blanket with suspicion]
'Sup. Why d'you look like you're gonna blow chunks?
[ John just kind of. Sits there. In the way that he does, looking up from intensely studying the blanket that's draped across his lap to intensely studying Dave's face. There are worse faces to fixate on. ]
No, I'm good! I'm good, I just think we're either both soulmates with this dumb blanket, or this is about to get really awkward.
[ Thanks, Thirteen. Now John just has to pretend this is funny and stupid even though his stomach is doing flips.
He's momentarily distracted by a shiver, and with a sigh, pats the spot next to him. ]
C'mon, come get comfy. We probably have to talk about our feelings now or something.
I mean, it looks pretty comfortable. There's worse inanimate objects to be tethered to until the end of time.
[Dave says it blandly, as the reality settles over him. It doesn't fill him with the same sort of anxiety-- actually it feels like a welcomed surprise. Kind of a relief, but he feels a level of uncertainty about how to interpret it but it seems silly to resist it.
He shuffles closer and lowers himself to sit beside John, slipping off his shades so he can tap the snow off them. They're still an ancient and revered gift from John.]
Why would it be awkward? Our souls are already fiercely entangled, aren't they? Or are you worried it's like.. in a gay way?
[Oh. Okay. Now he feels awkward. Time to make a self-deprecating joke.]
[ John lifts the blanket so that Dave can warm up under it too, and tries to settle it in such a way that they don't have to snuggle too close. Much as he'd love that, it might be a little too much for him right not. ]
No... I'm not worried about it being in a gay way. Did I, um. Not tell you?
[ Oh boy. He thought he did, but honestly he was so overwhelmed with Dave showing up at all and trying to get him caught up on everything that his newfound sexuality might have taken a backseat to everything else. ]
The word for it is pansexual? I guess? I don't know if it counts as gay. It just means I don't care about gender. There was a whole thing when I arrived and someone told me about it and it was like a lightbulb turned on...
[ Yeah he's not explaining this well. Maybe it would just be easier to say: ]
I asked a boy out. He turned me down for that weird troll who likes the number two a lot. But it's okay, we worked it out.
Oh, okay. Cool. [It sounds a little nonchalant when he genuinely means it. So he adds:]
Congrats-- I mean. Sincerely. I dunno why I didn't know that. [He tries not to immediately assume it's because he's dumb or too self-involved and pushes the conversation forward.]
But-- Sollux? I mean... Sollux? No offence, he's kind of cool once you get past all the annoying walls trolls have but-- Sollux? It's not like there's anything wrong with him, but he's no Egbert. Right?
[Dave doesn't seem to notice the intentional divide, so he scoots closer.]
You're like the whole package and then some. We just gotta shove you through the right mail slot. [And he smiles like he didn't just say the worst thing anyone has ever said.]
But if you're not worried about this being in a gay way then what're you worried about? We're obviously soulmates.
Yeah, Sollux. It's okay, it was a bad idea anyway. I, uh.
[ Wow. Wow wow wow. Okay, so this is very close, and it's probably good that he's already cold and shivering anyway because he'd probably be very obviously vibrating otherwise. He can't even pretend he doesn't like it, either. Dave is comfortable. And he smells good. And being so close makes his skin tingle in a way that's not just frostbite. ]
We can't be soulmates? You'd have to be in love with me for something like that.
[ Saying nothing of the reverse being true, too. When in doubt, deflect. ]
[Dave takes a short moment to process the response, seeming aware that there's an elephant in the room that he needs to address. Or avoid. It's hard though, because he feels like he's looking for an elephant while groping around blindfolded.]
Uh, well. This is awkward, but I do love you, dude.
[Dave reaches closer, nudging their shoulders together.]
You're my best friend and I'm your best friend, and we're always going to be connected. Right? [Unless..]
I know. You are my best friend I do care about you like that. And I don't wish you were someone else. But...
[ John could just do the windy thing and be gone. It's tempting. Very tempting. But he's going to have to have this conversation eventually, because these feelings aren't going anywhere. His long ears pin back, because they tend to have a mind of their own, and give away a lot more than he wishes they did. ]
Jeez. This is awkward, I really didn't imagine it coming up like... this. Stuck in a freezing cold cabin out in the middle of nowhere with only one blanket. It's so stupid.
[ If anything is going to make him hate Thirteen, it's this. John takes a deep breath to get his bearings. ]
[There just seems to be an infinitely long time between the first and last things John says, then more time passes and Dave doesn't know how long it's been since he said anything.
And he should say.. well. Not anything. It starts to weigh so heavy on him it feels physical, probably looks physical in the way he can't help tensing. It's weird because he doesn't really.. find himself upset with the notion that John likes him. He's not sure why it would upset him, other than the fact that he's taken-- and it makes him wonder if he wasn't.. would he..? But he is.. so it's a door he shouldn't open. A positive response is kind of off the table-- but it isn't-- because he and Karkat have had a fairly open relationship-- but he's always been there to ask about it.
Now, Dave is out in the Wild West with John and his feelings.
Oh, and he should breathe. He breathes and some sort of gross, awkward laugh comes out with his exhale.]
Like, as a roommate? [He asks, weakly, then licks his lips and tries to pull it together.]
[ The silence says more than enough, and John starts to wonder if he should just say he was joking, that this was just another prank. But that would be the end of that; he wouldn't be able to take something like that back.
That and... that just seems mean.
He still flinches when Dave finally speaks, though, and this sucks. He hates this. He wanted this to feel good and it doesn't. ]
I don't know. Probably since we were younger, but I only really put it together a few months ago. I just...
[ The words are on the tip of his tongue, threatening to spill his guts and all his feelings along with them. But he knows what Dave is thinking. He knows very, very well. ]
If you want to move out now, I'd understand. You have to tell Emmy, though. I'm not breaking her heart like that.
[Dave's sort of in his thoughts but trying to stay present and listen. He feels a little like he's playing two roles, where he's Dave and he's being confessed to and the hamster wheel in his head is spinning. He also feels like, as John's best friend, that he wants to kick himself in the solar plexus for not doing everything possible to keep John safe and happy and sheltered from any sort of emotional turmoil.
Actually-- is that a friend feeling-- it feels intense-- but he has to analyse that later because he's screaming back to reality and looking alarmed at John's suggestion.]
Why would I want to move out-- Do you want me to move out? [He blurts it out, then feels like he wants to reel it all back but he can't.]
I mean-- I don't want to stop being friends... At all. The other stuff is like.. I don't know.. It's hard without Karkat. It's been hard.
[And he feels kind of gross invoking his name, like he's trying to flex it even though it's true that it would be so much easier to talk to him. He's mentioned missing him before, but he tries not to marinate too much in it. Usually.]
I mean, if I knew that when you knew that back then it's like, we'd probably definitely be a thing and like married with a hundred kids because I liked you before I even wanted to let myself believe I was kind of incredibly fucking gay. [The tips of his ears are bright red and it's travelling down to make his whole face burn as he regrets every fucking thing he says.]
I thought it was super obvious. That I liked you so much it was cringey.
I don't want you to move out, I just. Thought it might be awkward?
[ Oh god. Oh jeez. This is a hot mess. It was never going to be squeaky clean, but this is so far beyond what he really has the capability of dealing with. He doesn't need Dave to bring up Karkat, because he already knows, and he already feels partially responsible for that to begin with. He doesn't need to hear the platitudes, because they don't mean much. And he definitely doesn't need to hear that they could have had a chance if they'd gotten their heads out of their asses sooner. That just stings. ]
I was kind of stupid as a kid. And we were so busy trying not to be gay, and then we didn't talk for three years and... yeah. [ He shrugs a little. He hasn't felt this small in a long time. ] It's fine, though.
Yeah, we were both dumb. [He laughs lightly but it's not really a happy one.]
I'm still dumb. [And I still like you lingers on his tongue, but it feels like a weapon more than an offering or a confession. It doesn't help John to know that either and he regrets saying anything about how he'd have locked him down like Fort Fucking Knox if they'd ever made it to that stage.
He concedes, sitting back a little on the heels of his hands and tilting his head back. His wings are poking through his shirt now, almost fully formed but extremely fluffy and small like they haven't unfurled properly. When an awkward shiver runs up his spine, it ruffles them and it reminds him that they're cold and he grabs the blanket and throws it over them up to his chest.]
I don't feel awkward about it. [He says, and as if to demonstrate that he bumps John's shoulder again.]
But I don't want to do anything that sucks for you. [Which is such a weak way of saying he doesn't want to hurt John ever.]
Or Emmy, since we know I'm the fun dad. [His fingers just graze over John's hand, but he holds back.]
I think I need to think about it though so can we like... pause this moment in time and just hop back in it when we've sat on it a bit?
[ John opens his mouth, then closes it again. This would be a lot easier if he hated Karkat. But he doesn't and he doesn't want to be a homewrecker.
He's torn between wanting to pull away and wanting to just insert himself into Dave's arms, snuggle up all cozy-like. He decides to just sit there and do nothing, then, because it's about all he can confidently do.
Right. Time to stop being morose about this. He knew this was going to be the outcome, he was sort of prepared for it, it's just the situation threw him off. But like he said, it's fine. He'll be fine. He's always fine. ]
Uh, I don't know, can we? You tell me, you're the Time guy.
[ And just to show there's no hard feelings, he nudges Dave with his elbow. Just a little. ]
[He forces what he hopes is a totally calm and confident tone and lets himself settle into his spot.
It feels... dangerously easy to do something like lean over and kiss John, which leaves a heavy, guilty feeling in the pit of his stomach that he keeps swallowed down.]
If we want to talk about it, we say when. [He pauses, wrinkling his nose.]
No, fuck that. That's the worst voice command anyone ever heard. If we wanna talk about it we say Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Or TCM, as we all know is the commonly used abbreviation for Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
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why, what's going on? are your fingers okay?
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you know what i mean
i can come back and show you im just getting coffee cuz i cant fucking raw dog this without some bean juice
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it's really cold outside though, and there's a storm coming in? bring a scarf.
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that explains why theres fuckin nobody out here
and i am already out here btw but the strings kind of hard to see so i should probably head back
you want anything
coffee
hot chocolate
scissors
??
kind of fucked up to set a soulmate searching mission in a storm and plus its kind of awkward if your soulmate is off in space or another universe or whatever right
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[ Secretly, this kills the Egg. ]
thanks for the offer but i think i'm good! the storm is getting pretty bad but i think i see something up ahead. a house or something? i'll see if anyone is home! the locals are usually pretty nice.
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[Dave says, deliberately keeping it as neutral as possible. It's not that he wouldn't be excited to see Karkat, but he feels kind of intimidated by the prospect of knowing if or if not they're soulmates and how much stock he can put in some magic yarn.]
has anyone ever proven that soulmate might mean something different here
maybe its a euphemism for something
its kind of weird were just throwing that word around anyway
what are they basing it off
anyway
my string is leading fucking nowhere dude
hold on
i see a house also
maybe youre right and we should probably just go in and explain and not like
die
imagine i die because i wanted a coffee
also not to freak you out or anything but i think my string is leading into the house
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he'd probably love it here once he stopped yelling.
so basically... never! :B
[ It's not mean if it's a truth that everybody knows, okay.
John is already inside the shack when he reads those last few messages. He's found the thread's terminus at the blanket, and he groans out loud as he pieces it together. Months ago he might not have put two and two together but he's on to Thirteen's shenanigans now. ]
yeah about that...
actually you know what?
you should go in the house!
and find out for yourself.
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dont get cryptic now egbert
is there a dead body
am i going to walk in on a dead body
do i have to kiss a dead body back to life
is your soul mate a hot anime girl with huge
[Dave's messages ping through rapidly as he pads around the house and looks for the way in through the low visibility. It would be easier if he took his sunglasses off, but then he'd get snow in his eyes or whatever snow does.
Dave pushes in the door and eventually finds the room, peering in cautiously and eyeing the blanket with suspicion]
'Sup. Why d'you look like you're gonna blow chunks?
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No, I'm good! I'm good, I just think we're either both soulmates with this dumb blanket, or this is about to get really awkward.
[ Thanks, Thirteen. Now John just has to pretend this is funny and stupid even though his stomach is doing flips.
He's momentarily distracted by a shiver, and with a sigh, pats the spot next to him. ]
C'mon, come get comfy. We probably have to talk about our feelings now or something.
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[Dave says it blandly, as the reality settles over him. It doesn't fill him with the same sort of anxiety-- actually it feels like a welcomed surprise. Kind of a relief, but he feels a level of uncertainty about how to interpret it but it seems silly to resist it.
He shuffles closer and lowers himself to sit beside John, slipping off his shades so he can tap the snow off them. They're still an ancient and revered gift from John.]
Why would it be awkward? Our souls are already fiercely entangled, aren't they? Or are you worried it's like.. in a gay way?
[Oh. Okay. Now he feels awkward. Time to make a self-deprecating joke.]
Cuz everything I do is in a gay way.
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No... I'm not worried about it being in a gay way. Did I, um. Not tell you?
[ Oh boy. He thought he did, but honestly he was so overwhelmed with Dave showing up at all and trying to get him caught up on everything that his newfound sexuality might have taken a backseat to everything else. ]
The word for it is pansexual? I guess? I don't know if it counts as gay. It just means I don't care about gender. There was a whole thing when I arrived and someone told me about it and it was like a lightbulb turned on...
[ Yeah he's not explaining this well. Maybe it would just be easier to say: ]
I asked a boy out. He turned me down for that weird troll who likes the number two a lot. But it's okay, we worked it out.
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Congrats-- I mean. Sincerely. I dunno why I didn't know that. [He tries not to immediately assume it's because he's dumb or too self-involved and pushes the conversation forward.]
But-- Sollux? I mean... Sollux? No offence, he's kind of cool once you get past all the annoying walls trolls have but-- Sollux? It's not like there's anything wrong with him, but he's no Egbert. Right?
[Dave doesn't seem to notice the intentional divide, so he scoots closer.]
You're like the whole package and then some. We just gotta shove you through the right mail slot. [And he smiles like he didn't just say the worst thing anyone has ever said.]
But if you're not worried about this being in a gay way then what're you worried about? We're obviously soulmates.
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[ Wow. Wow wow wow. Okay, so this is very close, and it's probably good that he's already cold and shivering anyway because he'd probably be very obviously vibrating otherwise. He can't even pretend he doesn't like it, either. Dave is comfortable. And he smells good. And being so close makes his skin tingle in a way that's not just frostbite. ]
We can't be soulmates? You'd have to be in love with me for something like that.
[ Saying nothing of the reverse being true, too. When in doubt, deflect. ]
no subject
Uh, well. This is awkward, but I do love you, dude.
[Dave reaches closer, nudging their shoulders together.]
You're my best friend and I'm your best friend, and we're always going to be connected. Right? [Unless..]
Do you wish I was someone else or something?
no subject
[ John could just do the windy thing and be gone. It's tempting. Very tempting. But he's going to have to have this conversation eventually, because these feelings aren't going anywhere. His long ears pin back, because they tend to have a mind of their own, and give away a lot more than he wishes they did. ]
Jeez. This is awkward, I really didn't imagine it coming up like... this. Stuck in a freezing cold cabin out in the middle of nowhere with only one blanket. It's so stupid.
[ If anything is going to make him hate Thirteen, it's this. John takes a deep breath to get his bearings. ]
I like you. As... a lot more than a friend.
no subject
And he should say.. well. Not anything. It starts to weigh so heavy on him it feels physical, probably looks physical in the way he can't help tensing. It's weird because he doesn't really.. find himself upset with the notion that John likes him. He's not sure why it would upset him, other than the fact that he's taken-- and it makes him wonder if he wasn't.. would he..? But he is.. so it's a door he shouldn't open. A positive response is kind of off the table-- but it isn't-- because he and Karkat have had a fairly open relationship-- but he's always been there to ask about it.
Now, Dave is out in the Wild West with John and his feelings.
Oh, and he should breathe. He breathes and some sort of gross, awkward laugh comes out with his exhale.]
Like, as a roommate? [He asks, weakly, then licks his lips and tries to pull it together.]
Since when?
[Is that an appropriate question?]
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That and... that just seems mean.
He still flinches when Dave finally speaks, though, and this sucks. He hates this. He wanted this to feel good and it doesn't. ]
I don't know. Probably since we were younger, but I only really put it together a few months ago. I just...
[ The words are on the tip of his tongue, threatening to spill his guts and all his feelings along with them. But he knows what Dave is thinking. He knows very, very well. ]
If you want to move out now, I'd understand. You have to tell Emmy, though. I'm not breaking her heart like that.
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Actually-- is that a friend feeling-- it feels intense-- but he has to analyse that later because he's screaming back to reality and looking alarmed at John's suggestion.]
Why would I want to move out-- Do you want me to move out? [He blurts it out, then feels like he wants to reel it all back but he can't.]
I mean-- I don't want to stop being friends... At all. The other stuff is like.. I don't know.. It's hard without Karkat. It's been hard.
[And he feels kind of gross invoking his name, like he's trying to flex it even though it's true that it would be so much easier to talk to him. He's mentioned missing him before, but he tries not to marinate too much in it. Usually.]
I mean, if I knew that when you knew that back then it's like, we'd probably definitely be a thing and like married with a hundred kids because I liked you before I even wanted to let myself believe I was kind of incredibly fucking gay. [The tips of his ears are bright red and it's travelling down to make his whole face burn as he regrets every fucking thing he says.]
I thought it was super obvious. That I liked you so much it was cringey.
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[ Oh god. Oh jeez. This is a hot mess. It was never going to be squeaky clean, but this is so far beyond what he really has the capability of dealing with. He doesn't need Dave to bring up Karkat, because he already knows, and he already feels partially responsible for that to begin with. He doesn't need to hear the platitudes, because they don't mean much. And he definitely doesn't need to hear that they could have had a chance if they'd gotten their heads out of their asses sooner. That just stings. ]
I was kind of stupid as a kid. And we were so busy trying not to be gay, and then we didn't talk for three years and... yeah. [ He shrugs a little. He hasn't felt this small in a long time. ] It's fine, though.
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I'm still dumb. [And I still like you lingers on his tongue, but it feels like a weapon more than an offering or a confession. It doesn't help John to know that either and he regrets saying anything about how he'd have locked him down like Fort Fucking Knox if they'd ever made it to that stage.
He concedes, sitting back a little on the heels of his hands and tilting his head back. His wings are poking through his shirt now, almost fully formed but extremely fluffy and small like they haven't unfurled properly. When an awkward shiver runs up his spine, it ruffles them and it reminds him that they're cold and he grabs the blanket and throws it over them up to his chest.]
I don't feel awkward about it. [He says, and as if to demonstrate that he bumps John's shoulder again.]
But I don't want to do anything that sucks for you. [Which is such a weak way of saying he doesn't want to hurt John ever.]
Or Emmy, since we know I'm the fun dad. [His fingers just graze over John's hand, but he holds back.]
I think I need to think about it though so can we like... pause this moment in time and just hop back in it when we've sat on it a bit?
no subject
He's torn between wanting to pull away and wanting to just insert himself into Dave's arms, snuggle up all cozy-like. He decides to just sit there and do nothing, then, because it's about all he can confidently do.
Right. Time to stop being morose about this. He knew this was going to be the outcome, he was sort of prepared for it, it's just the situation threw him off. But like he said, it's fine. He'll be fine. He's always fine. ]
Uh, I don't know, can we? You tell me, you're the Time guy.
[ And just to show there's no hard feelings, he nudges Dave with his elbow. Just a little. ]
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[He forces what he hopes is a totally calm and confident tone and lets himself settle into his spot.
It feels... dangerously easy to do something like lean over and kiss John, which leaves a heavy, guilty feeling in the pit of his stomach that he keeps swallowed down.]
If we want to talk about it, we say when. [He pauses, wrinkling his nose.]
No, fuck that. That's the worst voice command anyone ever heard. If we wanna talk about it we say Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Or TCM, as we all know is the commonly used abbreviation for Texas Chainsaw Massacre.